A Drama-filled Life Can Be a Faith-filled Life

My Life Story: A Derailed Train

My husband and I attended a Christian conference about five years ago, and in the opening part of the conference, we had an ice-breaker session. Each table had about eight to ten people seated around it, and each person received a white piece of paper. On that paper, we had to draw a vehicle or any means of transport that represents our personality.

After each person finished with their drawing, we’d share and explain our picture to our tablemates. I drew a train, chugging smoothly and confidently on its track. It knows exactly where it is going and the time it will take to get there. There is no fear of being lost as long as you faithfully follow the track. The train represents me well. I like to have a plan and follow my checklists where everything is (supposedly) predictable.

To my surprise, my husband, seated at my right side, showed a picture of a ship with its masts and sails on a big, vast ocean with no islands surrounding it, only clouds and birds. His drawing was actually quite good, and he proudly explained, “I’d like to explore the new frontier, to the uncharted water and have the adventure of a lifetime.”

Some people at the table might have noticed my dismayed expression while listening to my husband’s explanation. One pastor tried to be encouraging, “This is actually good. You guys are complementing one another.” But does complementing really work when two people are so different?

When we were dating, I tried to cover the bases. We spent a lot of time talking about our goals and values in life. We had the same life goals and values, and I was confident that our marriage and family life would be relatively smooth. Never did it occur to me that we have very different ideas on how to get to our goals. 

We wanted to achieve our same goals, but through different routes and with different methods. These decisions would make a very different journey altogether, and it was the journey that made all the difference.

A couple of years before the conference, my husband, out of the blue, uttered these words of frustration to me, “What is really the point of giving thanks before our meals. Do we really feel thankful to God? We know exactly where our next meal will come from, from my fat paycheck that is automatically coming every month. Do we really need God and depend on Him? Does it matter if we have God or not from the way we run our life? Remember the great lives of George Muller, Hudson Taylor, and other great missionaries. They really depended on God for food, provisions, and safety, and God showed up. He showed up for them in miraculous ways. Our life now is a far cry from theirs. How can we really live life and experience God to the fullest if we continue to live like this?”

I just looked at him. My head was figuring out what kind of nonsense was this? But I didn’t say anything out loud. I didn’t know how to respond to my husband as a godly wife should. Part of my heart sensed some truth in it, but another part believed that those missionaries were the specially called people. Not all people have to regularly live on the edge. Besides, I loved, loved, my comfortable, flat and predictable life. I didn’t want to look for any troubles. I had everything I needed and wanted. 

It’s not that I didn’t have any godly dreams. I wanted to give and do more for God and others, BUT out of the abundance of His provisions in my life, not out of the scarcity of my circumstances.

Long story short, my husband soon made all the drastic financial decisions for our family. I just watched and rode along with all the changes my husband had decided for us, even though I was afraid of what was coming. Everything happened so fast. Part of me wanted to support him and hoped he was right, but all the while, I felt a huge discomfort and a raging conflict inside. I was shaken to the core of my sense of security and well-being.

I didn’t argue much because I couldn’t really process my thoughts, my emotions and formed my theologies upon his decisions. Everything was disorienting for me during that time. I was not sure if I was in the right or in the wrong. I just prayed to God that my husband was hearing God right and keeping to His path, not dragging the children and me on his own wild ride adventure.

Bound for a New Destination

“You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” (Jesus, Matthew 8:26)

How Change Happens

All my worldly dreams, dreams that require finances like children’s educational fund, were crushed. Every day seemed cloudy, nothing to look forward to, just perpetual discontent and uncertainty, anxious of catastrophic things that would befall us all. 

Maybe a bit too dramatic, but such were the lenses I had towards the future. It is hard to be hopeful. What is the definition of hope? You are waiting for something good to happen in the future—that something I couldn’t expect.

My husband, on the other hand, kept up his optimism and hopes. He has a chronic sunny disposition. Even until now, I am amazed how we could view our situations so differently. Perhaps I used to see things from the windowpane of a train, while he could see further beyond the top of the ship poles?

My calm and regular life was disrupted, and incoming were the tensions and conflicts of desires. Reciting God’s truth and His promises over and over again felt mechanical and only provided a temporary balm, not a permanent shift of perspectives. The knowledge about God relieves our logic temporarily, but it has no control over our emotional reactions. 

God’s truth and promises need to set into the marrow of our bones and seep into our cells and fibers before actual transformations can materialize. Sometimes the change happens in one transcendent moment. At other times, the Holy Spirit works ever so slowly in the background unnoticed. Then one day, your soul finally gets it. Your soul finally gets all God’s truth and promises. They have stuck on your head for a long time, and now they find their way to your heart.

The understanding and knowledge of God permeate in your being and not just reside in the head. It is a divine gift when Faith is not just floating in your head but cemented into your being. This is when Faith finally changes your nature. 

That is why when you witness heroes of Faith in your life, and you sense an unshakable anchor of joy, peace, and confidence within them. No matter what happens in their lives, they have calm and peace beyond the grasps of natural human understanding. They can’t help it. Their godly emotional reactions are natural, unforced, and genuine because not only their faith is strong, it has become inherent. 

Thanksgiving Goes a Long Way

One other lesson I also learned is that scarcity and abundance is a flippable mindset. You can flip your mindset within seconds. When you catch yourself walking a tad too far on the self-pity lane, stop yourself, and snap out of it. It takes a bit of effort initially, but it gets easier over time to shift focus, change course and replace your lamenting thoughts with grateful thoughts.

Oftentimes what makes us stuck in the self-pity lane is the game of comparison. We, humans, are also very selective when comparing. We always choose people who are in relatively better situations than us. We don’t ever choose people who are worse off as a source of aspiration. How can we ever be content and satisfied? The devil loves for us to participate in this game because we will never win in the end.

I recently learned that we should neither compare up nor down. Because when we feel grateful on top of other people’s misery, the next natural thing is to feel miserable under other people’s success. And if somehow, in one brief moment, we are above the competition, and we feel we are on top of the world, then pride, our fake best friend, will take us on a ride away from God’s blessed path.

A thanksgiving attitude is a potent cure for most heart diseases, yet we can’t force our hearts to be thankful. Humility is the key ingredient to grow a thanksgiving attitude, but self-entitlement kills it.

Start by humbly accepting our portion in life, which is under God’s sovereignty. Next, slowly move our thoughts away from the occupation of worldly dreams that are oppressive, shallow, and lustful. And finally, our mind is free to focus on the good things we are already blessed with.

Armed with a thanksgiving outlook, the worldly sorrow in our heart will be awash, and passion for the things of God will begin to take root. Our focus is only on God and His game, not on the fickleness of worldly success and its comparison games. Our thanksgiving tree will grow solid and strong over time, bearing the wholesome fruits of joy and contentment.

God, in His grace and mercy, will connect the knowledge of our mind with the understanding of our heart. When that happens, real thanksgiving bubbles up and burst out of the heart like pure spring water. Our souls will be healthier and lighter. Occasionally when our thankfulness hits a higher dosage, we will feel like floating off the ground and so empowered to do His will. My prayer is I can experience those moments more often.

A Seven-Year Journey: Realign for His Purpose

Seven years into this journey, both my husband and I have gone through many valleys of disillusionment and depression, but we have experienced some mountaintop experiences too. I have learned that some of my expectations were too naïve. I was deeply misled by my own ideas on how things should be and run. 

Things that I thought were the ways to go and best for us turned out to be unrealistic or not as they promised to be. I must demolish my old belief systems and go through the experience of brokenness before I can rebuild and renew my inner life. Brokenness is where God works best to rebuild and upgrade us.

The same goes for my husband too. Both of us went through similar things but through different routes. I was looking for the surest and safest path; my husband was looking for the ultimate life purpose path. Each of us stopped by at different altars of idols along the way. Our hearts were broken but in different ways and angles. We went through this journey together, but we would narrate our stories quite differently.

Both my husband and I experienced crises internally and externally. Sometimes when we met in real life as husband and wife team, our hurts and broken dreams collided, and we faithfully followed that reliable axiom “hurt people hurt others.” So we hurt one another, deepening the impression of pain in our lives. Altogether it was really a vicious cycle. 

To break off from this vicious cycle is to make peace with God first before making peace with each other. We need to honestly confess any undercurrents of anger and frustrations we have towards God. We learn to humbly accept our parts and God’s part. 

There are scars coming off this journey. The scars are evidence of life dramas, signs of past pains, testimonies of healing journeys, and wonders of life. The life, of which God is the genius author who works out everything for the good of those who love Him.

God has graciously knitted back our unraveled parts these past three years. All the painful experiences and the gained wisdom are part of these new versions of us. My derailment from my track was actually a realignment process between God and me, between my husband and me, and turned out also between my husband and God. 

First, God wanted both my husband and me to have the same interpretations and perspectives of our reality. Next, He wanted to unite us together under the new dreams and new boundaries given by Him. Both of us in each respective vehicle personality are bound for the new destination that God has prepared.

Drama-filled Life with God as the Lead Character is a Faith-filled Life

All these make me think of how God created humans. Truth be told, even though I enjoy a regular and ordinary life with as minimal ripples as possible, there’s also a part of me that craves drama and adventure. I appreciate a good quality drama when consuming entertainment or reading biographies. Jesus knows this fact about humans. That is why all his teaching parables have drama elements in the center.

The other day, I came upon this quote from Alexander Mackendrick, a director and film professor: “Drama is a feeling. Drama is anticipation mingled with uncertainty. New things to anticipate, new causes of uncertainty.” When I read this definition, I made the connection between drama and faith. The definition of faith from the Bible is in Hebrews 11:1: Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. 

Both faith and drama have related elements, which are anticipation, hope, certainty, and uncertainty. When new causes of uncertainty arise, we usually anticipate challenges, and we hope for desired outcomes. Uncertainties always run parallel either with anticipations or hopes in one’s soul.

The key distinction is while drama is more nerve-racking and leaves off at anticipation, faith gives the assurance that things will pan out as we hope for at the end. 

How can we have this assurance and certainty of a happy ending? The answer depends on our viewpoints. 

It depends on whom we see as the lead actor in the drama. If the lead actor is yourself, there is no guarantee you will be victorious in the end. But if you can see that God is the leading man all along, you will have the assurance and certainty of a happy ending.

The dramas in our lives offer many points of decisions where we will have to wrestle with this part of the Lord’s prayer: “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done. On earth as it is in heaven.” The definition of God’s kingdom here is the area under His sovereignty, under His reign. 

When we experience dramas in our lives, we face tensions between His desires and ours. Our true allegiance will be tested: is it to the will of the Lord of the kingdom or to our own will?

Do we consider our lives under God’s sovereignty where it is His agenda, His plans, His desires that should come to pass? Or do we think everything should happen according to our best judgments? Who is the leading man, He or I? Do we consider the dramas as His stories or ours?

Our natural inclination is to put ourselves and our desires front and center. Yet God will work in each of His children to will and to act in order to fulfill His purpose (Philippians 2:13), and His will is always good, pleasing, and perfect (Romans 12:2).

With the Holy Spirit’s help, God will work on our stubborn heart that is hell-bent on fulfilling and gratifying our own desires so that, out of love and gratefulness, we are willing to put everything under His feet and follow His lead.

Who is the leading actor in the drama, is it God or I? This switch of viewpoint needs to occur before we can wear the faith lens and live a faith-filled life.

When the viewpoint is switched to God’s perspectives, then our hopes are aligned to His will. When His will is what we hope for, there will be no room for the uncertainty of outcome. 

When we view things from God’s perspective, our view of the timeline will also be stretched to eternity. We can be content even if the fulfillment of what we hope for does not happen in our lifetime.

If we put God at the center of our drama-filled life, we will not be unraveled. Our faith in the main Actor will hold our life together. That is the faith-filled life.

Dramas Happen for Our Good

Everything happens for our good, despite the dramas. Well, let me correct it: we are made to be better through the dramas in our lives. 

Here are Romans 8:28 in three different translations:

NIV: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

NLT: And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

MSG: That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

The original Greek word for work is synergei; it is the root word for synergy in English. It means work together; the combined power of a group of things when they are working together is greater than the total power achieved by each working separately. 

Our Author of life synergizes every detail, every element from the dramas in our lives for our good.

God uses all the juicy ingredients of drama to bring good for us: the conflicts of desires, the incidents that happened, the places we went, the people we met and the relationships we had, including all the life situations that were seemingly coincidental. He uses just the right amount of anxiety, beauty, discontentment, fulfillment, pain, and relief to make us aware of the problems and seek the solutions in Him. He synergizes all of those elements, the negatives and the positives, to make my husband and me better as a person and as a married couple. 

Struggles reveal desires, and desires reveal our core, what we truly live for and hold dear. As we are shaken to the core because of the pains and events in our lives, God intends more impurities are also shaken off of us so we can reflect Him better.

Instead of viewing drama as an uninvited guest, a nuisance, and a distraction, I now view it as a process I need to go through to clarify myself. There is nothing like internal struggles of desires that can pluck our heart’s strings so we can hear clearly and discern if the melody in our heart is in harmony with God’s heart?

Drama forces us to come face to face with our demons and deal with them. God synergizes all the drama elements: the uncertainties and the anticipations, the dejections and the elations, the deep valleys and the high mountains for our process towards maturity and His glory.

Now I am more free and unbound from worldly worries, not so easily frazzled and frayed. My husband is still a passionate person, but his mature version is more tempered. We understand each other better, and we are connected on a much deeper level than before. 

God had gracefully changed each of us when we went through our painful journey in isolation. Now He has brought us back together, more compatible than before, to work together for His purpose.

God allowing and synergizing the dramas in our lives for our good is His token of love to us. And we living through the dramas, trusting His process, and keeping faith in Him is our token of love back to Him.

Related Articles:

1. Making Peace with Suffering (Part I out of four parts)
2. The Battle of Desires (Part I out of two parts)
3. The Invisible Idols in Family & Ministry
4. The Art of Gratefulness